When I first listened to Ugly Mane, I had of course started with his fun and admirable "Mista Thug Isolation" album. I was, of course, attracted to what these things could possibly mean, what his life meant in accordance to this... though I would not be satiated by this emotionally catatonic album; not much was in it but a comedic parody of the hip-hop genre. Did that particularly matter to me? No, not at all. I've come to realize since that the meaning in songs -- and absolutely everything -- matters not initially what is said about it, but what it means to you.
And to furthermore highlight this, there is no meaning to life. There is no reason we are here. There is no reason we live in our consciousness despite how much we want to tell ourselves so, and the only reason we continue onward despite this horrible fact is because of our delusion, because of what we say we live for and what we want to live for. This album made me so emotional on my first listen... especially the last song, it feels exactly how I treat everything I do -- that they are senseless, made-up versions of what other people make that have true substance. Looking into this album was as much of a undeniable fault of mine, though uncontrollable as sin is in man. That is why I loved this album so much. It hurts you as its hurt itself and recklessly spreads a posthumous nihilistic message. It is both art and anti-art, such as the way of the contradictory sad mind.
A neat theme inside this album is death, death of consciousness, physical death... Grave Within A Grave settles on the same themes of reality that we are imprisoned by and applies it to death, which is an odd way of looking at it when the usual rhetoric from nihilistic fellows is that the obliteration of yourself is freedom. Though I'd like to say the intention was in this song that as long as we are aware, we are trapped, as long as we hold on to these ideas, we are trapped, as long as we keep on pretending we mean something, pretending our life is dictated by things it isn't, our death will remain as free as our life was. This is all what I interpreted from the song -- I cannot say it is particularly true or not, but what the song does talk about is being trapped within a grave. I like to praise Ugly Mane's lyricism and hope I can apply such eloquency to my work eventually.
"The flowers up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me, to think we spend our lives convinced we understand agony..."
Though these lyrics in particular summarize the passage of time being unforgiving to our consciousness, there is a particularly subjective meaning I pull out of that resonates with that kind of hatred I have for every reaction, petty or not. I don't like to be seen, nor acknowledged when I am down. I like things to end simply and shortly so I can neatly pack up the next task I hopefully don't fail -- such a taunting of flowers, whether they think they're doing it or not contribute to the endless agony there is after death. After YOUR death. Not mine. Mine will be free, okay?
A more reoccuring theme is the irrationality, or the foolishness of human order and consciousness. Songs like Columns highlight distaste for people expressing, for people trying to find truth yet this hatred for the hatred for the hatred for is just as irrational as the irrational he criticizes. It is all irrational -- that is consciousness, everything we see is irrational, all we do is irrational and all our facts are us pretending we know the scope of infinite that we will never live to see. Collapse and Appear is my second favorite song, other than Intent and Purulent Discharge... it is a vulnerable song compared to the other paranoid, anti-songs we know from this album. How hard it is to keep on when you know just how little you matter? You've lost something, as have I, just knowing about this. You've lost something being... being you, which isn't the you people think you are. You are something unchainable by anything anyone can say. You are not a human being; not as they describe nor as they claim. You will continue to detach as you become more miserable. Truth shoots you in the head like the barrel of a rifle.
"Your third eye is just a hole in your head"
It's hard to really say what this could mean, so I'm just gonna say what I want it to mean. This signifies how knowledge is a liability, how knowing everything results in knowing nothing again. There is no gift of above-all, there is none. There is nothing that awaits you but oblivion once you think you've escaped irrationality. Truth shoots you in the head like the barrel of a rifle again and again until you learn.
The song "Leonard's Lake" really got to me, because I am such a fan of instrumental music! Ugly Mane's instrumental works is what made me create 505.2 in the first place, and so I owe it to him and I have to respect what he has made that is instrumental... because it is all good! Leonard's Lake, even without any discernable meaning, makes me feel things. It makes me feel things specific to me that probably feel a lot different to you. It makes me feel this kind of odd beauty, despite the creepy sounds at the start. It feels like you're letting go and finding the beauty in what people consider unhealthy; planting your feet so long in a sad mindset that you have begun to reluctantly enjoy it.
"But really, I don't give a fuck about that blase-blase"
I think the inverse can be said, too, and it is a lot more implied. The beauty to ugly reverberates through your eardrums as you listen to these tracks--there are so many mentions of sex tiring the speaker out, of things that some find total enjoyment in mattering nothing to them, or to you, or to anyone in truth. Everything that is beautiful will turn ugly and then beautiful again, so it is merely as ugly as nothingness is.
Everything in the world is abstract and meaningless, such as these songs I paint examples of and try to birth my own world inside. This conquering of reality, of finding meaning in the abstract is strength. Strength is taking what you want, doing what you want, being able to do as you can to the fullest ability and still leaving room for more. Strength, as knowledge, is a liability. Bastards walk with courage with emotional neglect on their heel, or whatever other weakness they exhibit. Eventually that weakness spreads to the other parts of their body and overtakes them like a virus. Strength is not accepting what the ending of your story is.
On the opposite end of this, you have Slugs; strength can be acquired through misfortune cursed to us by those above who orchestrate the timeline of our lives. Slugs live despite their sad existence, sustain themselves despite their lack of shells, live while being killed by people who think they are disgusting... they are the runoff of nature as we are the runoff of reality. Strength through defiance of fate, though even defying is feeding back into what fate wants for you. Maybe we are all doomed to be weak and bruised, barely sustaining...
"He inhales and exhales, but he never breathes..."
I like this metaphor. Never have I been sure that I am alive, nor capable of anything but fulfilling my destiny. (which happens to be the bare minimum for one burdened by reality-sight.) It's been long since a truly bad thing has happened to me, but I feel as if my joy was stolen away from me when I was young -- like, you know, I am doing what people associate with life but the spirit is not quite there. I don't know, this is hard to relate to the topic. Let me include this.
Why do you ponder these albums so heavily? Why do you read dumb neocities websites about these albums? Why do you hold any conviction for anything prior said that didn't have nothing to do with destiny, with meaning, with art as significant as a drink you buy at the store. No indulging can be done with the fool -- he already indulges full-time. You couldn't fit another piece of ignorance inside you even if you shrunk it atom-size and crammed it in there as much as possible. Nay, though you are doing just as you're supposed to... it shouldn't be the way you do it. I am cursed to the same foolishness as I inhabit this body too, but now, for a change, how about we stop looking into things so much? How about we end this analysis?
Oblivion Access is an emotional, capricious, violent, paranoid, hurtful, reckless, disgusting album, yet it is such an attractive album in the same regard. I love how it just reveals all the hurt, all the nonsense and hatred for it, and wraps it all together with a fuck you at the end to really signify how much it didn't matter in the first place. It's nice; the final message can be interpreted positively if you want it to be. You can see it as whatever matters to you matters to you, meaning in it or not... if it makes you happy, you choose that. You are the god of reality anyway. Better spend time making what temporary shit that doesn't matter count to you -- better delude yourself before you awaken your third eye.
To conclude, it meant a lot to me to be able to listen to this. I'm so glad this album came out and was the way it was... the fact that this was supposed to be Ugly Mane's last album is pretty telling too. It appeals to the paranoid and unquenched part of me. It warped misery and lust together for but a moment in my brain. It made me oddly happy and comforted. I don't believe a lot of what I've said here, as this is an analysis of the mindset of the album. I have a lot more of an optimistic view on life.
Toodaloo! Hope you have a good day despite the negativity of this analysis. It doesn't really matter anyway, dont let it bring you down. All these meanings I gathered from the songs don't really exist, so jog or something, take a walk, get an ice cream, you deserve it. I love you. Bitch.
(Did I just make a whole extra article to prove how meaningless this study is and still write down the meanings I found personally in the songs? No.)